Unprofessionally, Johnny Mac.

Here’s a little about me:

• Once nicknamed “a legit walking potato” by friends—and honestly, fair.

• Passing kidney stones like it’s an Olympic sport. Simone Biles could never.

• The only way to get me on the football field as a kid was a Snickers bribe.

• Formative childhood memory: arm stuck in a soda machine at West Point. Character-building, apparently.

• Missing the OG American Idol judges on the daily. What a time to be alive.